Being honest about the pit facilitates transformation

I spent most of my teenage and young adult years in the pit. I guess we all have our own individual pits that God rescues us from. For me, it was mental health problems, addictions, OCD, anxiety, on and off depression, self-hatred, inappropriate relationships. Some of the things I did were very wrong, but God, because He has compassion, understands and has more than enough love to cover it.

How then do you release these things? And, how do you use them to help release others? And, in what contexts?

I repented of my sins when I became a Christian. But, that didn't mean I had dealt with the effects of my them or the lingering impacts on mental health. And, if you are in a community where everyone seems to be 'okay', and were by and large brought up in a stable, loving Christian household, you can feel a bit like, 'Well, if I talk about these things, about my past, and ask for prayer, who will understand?'. Do we dwell in communities where people are okay to not be okay? I mean, really? Where people might be allowed to cry and question, as well as sing praises to the God who redeems our every tear, because He is more than enough?

And yet honesty about our personal 'pits' both before God with Christian brothers and sisters, and as a source of testimony and empathy with those who are suffering, releases you, and may even release them. I'm not saying dwelling on the past, but where it's needed in the right place at the right time, and always with a mind to grow in faith and serve others.

I recall back in 2011, I ended up giving my testimony to an African church in South Africa. Quite a few of us did. It was difficult for me to do. I feel my pit has been really quite dark, and its quite exposing to talk about where you were and what you did. As part of that testimony, I talked about my horrendous addiction to fortune telling as well as the whole world that surrounds it. How easy is THAT to talk about? I can tell you, not easy at all. But, as I spoke passionately about the wretched state God found me in, and how He boomed out to me that He loved me, it was all that was needed.

I should just say at this point just as an aside, that yes, God told me He loved me. He told me in the middle of someone else's baptism - I had been thinking what it would be like to be baptised as an adult, just pondering it really. This was when God came literally crashing in, subduing any struggle about lack of worth with the power of immense love. It was the most extraordinary experience. It was like every atom of my being reverberated to His words 'I Love you, Louise' which He persisted and repeated with a power that even He held back. He held back as I understand it, because if He had revealed the true force and extent of His love for me, my little human heart such as it was, would have failed me and I would probably have died. As it was, it took all the strength I could muster just to stay standing. If you want to read about my testimony, you can read this much earlier in my blog.

Back to Africa, and after leaving the service, relieved that I had got through the ordeal about revealing, I was touched by peoples' compassion towards me. Furthermore, my testimony enabled a good number of people to go up for prayer for help with similar problems that I had experienced, and to be released from them. I did wonder afterwards whether they expected a foreigner to have experienced many of the things they also faced. But, one thing I think is certain, it resonated with other peoples personal pits and by being vulnerable in that moment, activated something in them to go for prayer. Hopefully it changed the course of how they dealt with their problems.

When it comes to your own transformation, it may be that initial repentance may not always be enough. Thought patterns, habits that have built up over years can be in need if prayer later on -and not completely dealt with. And, being honest about stuff and having good people pray over it, releases the burdens fully to God. If I am anything to go by (not sure!), it's been when I am ready to let go, when I'm ready to resolve, when the desire to move on and the knowledge that I can sustain the healthier place I would move to full aligns, that is when I have sought release. I have become increasingly whole, and this process has accelerated over the past year or so, in part through testing circumstances and in part through readiness to move on. So, whole in terms of faith, whole in terms of accepting what I was, and letting go completely. 

You see I had to be at a point where I was like, I am going to pray about this, and then enough is enough, I am going to move on. I don't want to come back to this ever again. Most recent prayer saw me visualise a picture of a giant, powerful, surging waterfall, full and unstoppable cleaning everything away. 

In this time when we have had more time than ever before, while the world has slowed down, it has given us time to think about where we want to be. About the years the locusts have eaten, and what now. I shall talk about childhood aspirations and dreams lost and now rediscovered in my next post.

I have no idea who these posts help, but I pray it reaches someone who needs to hear what I have to say.

God bless you all.