In the place you initially want to be least, God shows up the most
I have for a while now felt this pull from God to seek prayer. The first time it happened was in a service where the emphasis seemed to be on children and I felt sad because I had not had a family. As soon as you are mentally stable it seems natural to want a family life but if you have also spent a lot of your life being emotionally/mentally unwell until God lifts you up, it feels like you have passed the point here you can be like your friends who are either in stable relationships, married or with young families.
On a good few occasions I have felt this pull, but pride, not wishing to appear vulnerable to go up for prayer has always got in the way.
This weekend, I was meant to go to a family reunion, but my car would not start, my parents were both unwell and none of us could make it. It was probably for the best as I have been feeling drained recently. So it made getting to my church somewhat challenging as they are currently using temporary facilities that are not so easy to get to via public transport. So I found myself hugely unwillingly heading toward a Church in my past, that I have had mixed feelings about: The Church of a dear friend who was killed a few years ago ( in a tragic road accident) who was very active there and through whom God ministered to me so He could welcome me home as His daughter.
I hate this Church I was thinking and it wasn't a good thing to think. I sat next to two people who didn't seem that friendly initially ( but actually turned out to be) and I was thinking this is going to suck. But in my heart I know that God would show me something different. And He did. I felt humbled, vulnerable and emotional before Him, I asked for forgiveness for my thoughts, I felt the connection to Him that had dulled recently and this time I did go up for prayer. And I told the people praying for me that I had decided to swallow my pride and do this. Sometimes you see yourself trembling with emotion in front of the throne and you say to God something like, father I humbly stand before you and it wasn't easy for me to ask for prayer but I have done it.
They prayed for a husband for me, they prayed for revelation of God's love to me. And I went away and there are those times when you know of the compassion and understanding of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and that feeling of something shifting. That God is on the case. It may not be for what I expect, I don't presume anything, but that Heaven has opened it's doors and you have something tangible a presence of heavenly understanding and the sympathy and compassion of Jesus that you cannot always feel this tangibly.
For when your eyes are red with tears, your nose is runny and you swallow your pride and you ask for help, it makes a difference. When you know He is all you have and you ask for more of Him and for help to focus on Him and for more of His Holy Spirit in your life it makes a difference.
And I wanted to leave you with two songs:
My Jesus My Saviour
and
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
On a good few occasions I have felt this pull, but pride, not wishing to appear vulnerable to go up for prayer has always got in the way.
This weekend, I was meant to go to a family reunion, but my car would not start, my parents were both unwell and none of us could make it. It was probably for the best as I have been feeling drained recently. So it made getting to my church somewhat challenging as they are currently using temporary facilities that are not so easy to get to via public transport. So I found myself hugely unwillingly heading toward a Church in my past, that I have had mixed feelings about: The Church of a dear friend who was killed a few years ago ( in a tragic road accident) who was very active there and through whom God ministered to me so He could welcome me home as His daughter.
I hate this Church I was thinking and it wasn't a good thing to think. I sat next to two people who didn't seem that friendly initially ( but actually turned out to be) and I was thinking this is going to suck. But in my heart I know that God would show me something different. And He did. I felt humbled, vulnerable and emotional before Him, I asked for forgiveness for my thoughts, I felt the connection to Him that had dulled recently and this time I did go up for prayer. And I told the people praying for me that I had decided to swallow my pride and do this. Sometimes you see yourself trembling with emotion in front of the throne and you say to God something like, father I humbly stand before you and it wasn't easy for me to ask for prayer but I have done it.
They prayed for a husband for me, they prayed for revelation of God's love to me. And I went away and there are those times when you know of the compassion and understanding of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and that feeling of something shifting. That God is on the case. It may not be for what I expect, I don't presume anything, but that Heaven has opened it's doors and you have something tangible a presence of heavenly understanding and the sympathy and compassion of Jesus that you cannot always feel this tangibly.
For when your eyes are red with tears, your nose is runny and you swallow your pride and you ask for help, it makes a difference. When you know He is all you have and you ask for more of Him and for help to focus on Him and for more of His Holy Spirit in your life it makes a difference.
And I wanted to leave you with two songs:
My Jesus My Saviour
and
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
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