The state of the heart
This is a tiddly post about the heart.
Singing is very much my thing. Ever since I was small singing became a source of comfort, bound up into relieving anxiety, getting to sleep and tied up with the OCD which I struggled with as I was growing up. And, it also became a focus for play time. Of course, this was all within the 4 walls of a room, where no one could hear, except God, because He hears all. I used to dream about being a singer, performing in a musical. In fact, I spent most of my 'growing up' years involved in various areas of the performing arts from ballet and tap, to drama and music. But, then I got a sensible job, and I suspect this was a wise choice at the time.
I wasn't mentally sound, and I certainly wasn't grounded in God, and the performing arts would have made things worse -- I expect I knew this underneath it all. Where things are visible, audible and upfront, the state of the heart and what one is grounded on becomes critical for any sense of balance.
And, so forward wind a number of years and I found myself tumbling into choral music, singing and piano again, wondering whether I had actually been asleep throughout most of my adulthood (to date) Creativity awoken. I'm now (partially) at times back into a visible, audible place where others see and hear what I do
But with that come the risks again ...
The risks of ego - positive or negative, comparing oneself to others, thinking your abilities matter, thinking you sound rubbish, thinking that you are not good enough, thinking you are not attractive enough (and I have written a post previously about physical beauty) and striving for approval ...
And I have certainly felt it. I pray about it frequently because it's a real battle, keeping your heart pure before doing visible things, and not worrying what other people are up to, or whether they're better than you -- it takes work.
I remember once having prayer about singing, amongst other things. And, in the middle of people praying for me, I felt this warm hand on my head, a very physical sensation. Try putting your own hand on your head and resting it there - not just for a fleeting moment, but for a substantial period of time. It's a very specific sensation that's unmistakable from any other. You can tell it's a hand.
After prayer someone said to me "God is pleased with your heart". Now this was at the time mind you, and I can tell you that the state of my heart is probably not always that pleasing! But nevertheless, it was the state of my heart at the time of prayer, that was of most importance to God and what He considered most important - not how good I was, what I looked like, what efforts I made to be better.
At the time, I asked around if anyone had put their hand on my head during prayer ( there was a group around me), and no one had ... And so I don't believe it was a human hand.
Why am I writing about this? Well I had intended to write about one of the ways God had helped me, in an answer to a prayer of despair, but my journal opened to this entry "God looks at the heart not at outward appearances".
It's from 1 Samuel 16:
'But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."'
And, so this post is for whomever this might help, if you're struggling with how 'well' you appear to be doing, or you're involved with very visible activities that threaten to shake your grounding in God or cause you to worry overly about self and/or approval from others, or your appearance. This post is for you. There is sanctuary and respite from anxiety when seeking God before and in those things. He is the only one who can keep your heart true and humbled before the things you do. He provides a strong framework upon which those things, those gifts are grafted, so that self doesn't take over, causing us to become unbalanced and lose joy.
Blessings to all as we all keep our eyes on the prize!
Singing is very much my thing. Ever since I was small singing became a source of comfort, bound up into relieving anxiety, getting to sleep and tied up with the OCD which I struggled with as I was growing up. And, it also became a focus for play time. Of course, this was all within the 4 walls of a room, where no one could hear, except God, because He hears all. I used to dream about being a singer, performing in a musical. In fact, I spent most of my 'growing up' years involved in various areas of the performing arts from ballet and tap, to drama and music. But, then I got a sensible job, and I suspect this was a wise choice at the time.
I wasn't mentally sound, and I certainly wasn't grounded in God, and the performing arts would have made things worse -- I expect I knew this underneath it all. Where things are visible, audible and upfront, the state of the heart and what one is grounded on becomes critical for any sense of balance.
And, so forward wind a number of years and I found myself tumbling into choral music, singing and piano again, wondering whether I had actually been asleep throughout most of my adulthood (to date) Creativity awoken. I'm now (partially) at times back into a visible, audible place where others see and hear what I do
But with that come the risks again ...
The risks of ego - positive or negative, comparing oneself to others, thinking your abilities matter, thinking you sound rubbish, thinking that you are not good enough, thinking you are not attractive enough (and I have written a post previously about physical beauty) and striving for approval ...
And I have certainly felt it. I pray about it frequently because it's a real battle, keeping your heart pure before doing visible things, and not worrying what other people are up to, or whether they're better than you -- it takes work.
I remember once having prayer about singing, amongst other things. And, in the middle of people praying for me, I felt this warm hand on my head, a very physical sensation. Try putting your own hand on your head and resting it there - not just for a fleeting moment, but for a substantial period of time. It's a very specific sensation that's unmistakable from any other. You can tell it's a hand.
After prayer someone said to me "God is pleased with your heart". Now this was at the time mind you, and I can tell you that the state of my heart is probably not always that pleasing! But nevertheless, it was the state of my heart at the time of prayer, that was of most importance to God and what He considered most important - not how good I was, what I looked like, what efforts I made to be better.
At the time, I asked around if anyone had put their hand on my head during prayer ( there was a group around me), and no one had ... And so I don't believe it was a human hand.
Why am I writing about this? Well I had intended to write about one of the ways God had helped me, in an answer to a prayer of despair, but my journal opened to this entry "God looks at the heart not at outward appearances".
It's from 1 Samuel 16:
'But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."'
And, so this post is for whomever this might help, if you're struggling with how 'well' you appear to be doing, or you're involved with very visible activities that threaten to shake your grounding in God or cause you to worry overly about self and/or approval from others, or your appearance. This post is for you. There is sanctuary and respite from anxiety when seeking God before and in those things. He is the only one who can keep your heart true and humbled before the things you do. He provides a strong framework upon which those things, those gifts are grafted, so that self doesn't take over, causing us to become unbalanced and lose joy.
Blessings to all as we all keep our eyes on the prize!
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