Living by Gradual Revelation and The Miraculous Recovery
Before I came back to God, I lived over the course of around 25-30 years (some of this started in childhood) of symptoms, some of which would surface or manifest differently through out my life including a horrible recurring nightmare (when I was a child),OCD - started in childhood, low self esteem, addiction, some form of depressive feelings, anxiety, loneliness, debt....
...One of the most pernicious addictions that transpired was a growing addiction to fortune tellers, it started when I was young and at University. I guess I must have been feeling pretty low and so I went to see someone because I felt that I could be told an answer to a question I had. They, in the end, told me stuff about my past and the future... I cannot recall whether I came away from that meeting feeling particularly satisfied, nevertheless it seemed to be the starting point of what ended up a really severe addiction that involved talking to complete strangers about my future, and skirting on the borders of the occult...
I was never medicated during this time. I was too ashamed of myself. I lived a lie instead. Maybe pride was involved. I didn't want others to know I had problems.
There became two faces to me, the face of Louise who seemed to have everything under control, a good job, friends and good life and the one underneath who often struggled to get through each day without getting help fron clairvoyants and mediums - trying to know what was around the corner (even though the predictions being made were mostly inaccurate). It got to the point, when I didn't like myself for speaking to them, and it caused me to fill with self loathing - I thought I had lived a despicable life and that no one could love me because I didn't deserve it...
...This addiction spanned maybe 15 years...
I gave myself to God in stages and started to get better. Then one day I went to the baptism of an ex white witch who had turned her back to God, and who I had known when quite frankly I was still a bit of a mess and who had tried to help me via other means.
In fact she had disappeared off my radar for a while and resurfaced just as she was turning to God and I was also moving in that direction. Then I was invted to her baptism by a friend of hers. I decided to go because i thought it would be a nice surprise. After all I weas a long way away, and she wouldn't be expecting it.
So I showed up and it all started well enough, she was totally surprised to see me, and i was happy to support her. Whilst the service was in progression, I started to wonder what it would be like to get baptised (again - I was initially christened as a Catholic when I was a baby) and if to do so would be like renewing your wedding vows.
At about this time I suddenly started experiencing something I wasn't expecting... I remember while it was happening thinking "What the heck is going on?" I was thinking how could I be experiencing this when all the focus was on the baptism... I guess God is a multi - tasker :o) So I suddenly found myself face to face with a supernatural unconditional love, which swept over me in waves and which was more than I could bear. It nearly reduced me flat on the floor sobbing my heart out - and I had to every ounce of my strength not to just bawl my eyes out and make a complete scene of myself.
The love was not from within myself, it was like what I was receiving was from outside of myself and it was overpowering my confused resistance and thoughts. It was, quite simply, Love which took the form of the words "I love you Louise" and words which took the form of Love all at the same time. Very difficult to explain and impossible to replicate in my head because the feeling did not come from anything on a human scale and could just not be summoned up by any human being.
The words "I love you Louise" were repated over and over again. I tried to resist and say "How can You love me, I have led such a despicable life?" but the answer came back "But I love you Louise, I love you Louise...."
You cannot resist something like that - there is simply no answer that meets it....
And so the baptism progressed and was touching and I managed to just about hold it together but barely....
After that the minister and I chatted and he prayed for me, and told me that I had to learn to forgive, that the word "despise" had come up during this prayer andI would work out what that meant...
...And so there started my proper salvation... shortly afterwards I ended up renouncing my past wiht a minister and I have remained addiction free ever since. That was about one and half to two years ago maybe...
... Since then I have got better and better, I am happy, whole, love Jesus, love my Father, my anxiety issues are pretty much gone now, I don't have low self esteem, I'm not in debt, i'm not lonely or downhearted, I barely have anything left of my OCD, and I don't need to speak to clairvoyants any more, in fact the thought of it makes me shudder...
... Now I turn to prayer when things go wrong and I live by gradual revelation and in the things God things God has revealed to me so far, it seems it is only until later that I understand its true meaning and it is BEAUTIFUL.
I am so happy and now I am happy to not know what is around the corner. I love the gradual unveiling of God's purpose - it makes it all the more special.
Every step I take now is beautiful and I am glad to enjoy the moment.
What happens tomorrow is in God's Beautiful Hands. He is My Father and I trust Him...!
Dear Father,
Thankyou for taking the darkness away...
I Love You
Louise
...One of the most pernicious addictions that transpired was a growing addiction to fortune tellers, it started when I was young and at University. I guess I must have been feeling pretty low and so I went to see someone because I felt that I could be told an answer to a question I had. They, in the end, told me stuff about my past and the future... I cannot recall whether I came away from that meeting feeling particularly satisfied, nevertheless it seemed to be the starting point of what ended up a really severe addiction that involved talking to complete strangers about my future, and skirting on the borders of the occult...
I was never medicated during this time. I was too ashamed of myself. I lived a lie instead. Maybe pride was involved. I didn't want others to know I had problems.
There became two faces to me, the face of Louise who seemed to have everything under control, a good job, friends and good life and the one underneath who often struggled to get through each day without getting help fron clairvoyants and mediums - trying to know what was around the corner (even though the predictions being made were mostly inaccurate). It got to the point, when I didn't like myself for speaking to them, and it caused me to fill with self loathing - I thought I had lived a despicable life and that no one could love me because I didn't deserve it...
...This addiction spanned maybe 15 years...
I gave myself to God in stages and started to get better. Then one day I went to the baptism of an ex white witch who had turned her back to God, and who I had known when quite frankly I was still a bit of a mess and who had tried to help me via other means.
In fact she had disappeared off my radar for a while and resurfaced just as she was turning to God and I was also moving in that direction. Then I was invted to her baptism by a friend of hers. I decided to go because i thought it would be a nice surprise. After all I weas a long way away, and she wouldn't be expecting it.
So I showed up and it all started well enough, she was totally surprised to see me, and i was happy to support her. Whilst the service was in progression, I started to wonder what it would be like to get baptised (again - I was initially christened as a Catholic when I was a baby) and if to do so would be like renewing your wedding vows.
At about this time I suddenly started experiencing something I wasn't expecting... I remember while it was happening thinking "What the heck is going on?" I was thinking how could I be experiencing this when all the focus was on the baptism... I guess God is a multi - tasker :o) So I suddenly found myself face to face with a supernatural unconditional love, which swept over me in waves and which was more than I could bear. It nearly reduced me flat on the floor sobbing my heart out - and I had to every ounce of my strength not to just bawl my eyes out and make a complete scene of myself.
The love was not from within myself, it was like what I was receiving was from outside of myself and it was overpowering my confused resistance and thoughts. It was, quite simply, Love which took the form of the words "I love you Louise" and words which took the form of Love all at the same time. Very difficult to explain and impossible to replicate in my head because the feeling did not come from anything on a human scale and could just not be summoned up by any human being.
The words "I love you Louise" were repated over and over again. I tried to resist and say "How can You love me, I have led such a despicable life?" but the answer came back "But I love you Louise, I love you Louise...."
You cannot resist something like that - there is simply no answer that meets it....
And so the baptism progressed and was touching and I managed to just about hold it together but barely....
After that the minister and I chatted and he prayed for me, and told me that I had to learn to forgive, that the word "despise" had come up during this prayer andI would work out what that meant...
...And so there started my proper salvation... shortly afterwards I ended up renouncing my past wiht a minister and I have remained addiction free ever since. That was about one and half to two years ago maybe...
... Since then I have got better and better, I am happy, whole, love Jesus, love my Father, my anxiety issues are pretty much gone now, I don't have low self esteem, I'm not in debt, i'm not lonely or downhearted, I barely have anything left of my OCD, and I don't need to speak to clairvoyants any more, in fact the thought of it makes me shudder...
... Now I turn to prayer when things go wrong and I live by gradual revelation and in the things God things God has revealed to me so far, it seems it is only until later that I understand its true meaning and it is BEAUTIFUL.
I am so happy and now I am happy to not know what is around the corner. I love the gradual unveiling of God's purpose - it makes it all the more special.
Every step I take now is beautiful and I am glad to enjoy the moment.
What happens tomorrow is in God's Beautiful Hands. He is My Father and I trust Him...!
Dear Father,
Thankyou for taking the darkness away...
I Love You
Louise
How wonderful to hear your testimony here. Our Father is so wonderful,far beyond our understanding ,yet so intimate with us. Keep on following, may God less you greatly!
ReplyDeleteThanks that's very kind of you to say so... I ask that He blesses you too!
ReplyDelete