Renouncing My Past And The Gift Of Tongues

Renouncing my past happened in stages for me, and even afterwards there have been times when I have felt closer to God than others, or felt my behaviour and actions were more "Christian" than others ( but I will talk about those moments in another post).

However there was a defining moment, and it happened when I sat down with an associate minister at the Church I was attending at the time, and told him my life story. Poor guy.. It was a Friday, early evening and really he had better things to do than listen to my life... But that time he nevertheless gifted to me, God bless him, and it was a time where I got more than I bargained for!


In fact, I had told God that I just wanted to get my life into context with someone from the Church. So, I talked my life, until it was exposed, all  flawed and wrinkled as a heap of metaphorically dirty laundry on the floor between us and I wasn't quite sure what I expected in return... Relief maybe that I hadn't been judged? Composure on the minister's face that what I had experienced in my life was normal? Reassurance and then I would be on my merry way.... No.... I got this...


"When did you renounce your past and give yourself to God?"


"Ermmmm" I squirmed, a little uncomfortably "About a year ago in my car when i told God I couldn't do life on my own anymore and would stop fighting it?"


"I mean when did you 100% give yourself to God?"

Hmmm, clearly my answer wasnt quite cutting it.... and now things were going beyond what I expected... and I  was starting to panic "The danger is having just a Sunday relationship with God... you could get dragged into your past again..." off the associated minister goes finding a friend of mine to act as a witness.... 'Flippin 'eck' I thought I'm going to end up showing my dirty laundry to more than one person now...'

So friend comes in, and we are there and we all have to kneel and I am feeling very stupid. Then the pastor starts to renounce all the stuff off my past ( trust me it's a long list) and I'm feeling slightly embarrassed and confused, but nevertheless bought into the sentiment of it all.. And then a thumb ends up on my forehead whilst the two people present prayed for me to be filled by the Holy Spirit...

Initially I started to panic even more, I was thinking what am I meant to do, should I be swooning, should a miracle happen, why wasn't I swooning, am I the problem? And then both began speaking in tongues ( a language I didn't understand) and my thoughts were stamped out and I began weeping and I couldn't stop, and I didn't have any bandwidth left to even feel stupid.


A while later, I opened my eyes and said "Flippin eck"

"He hasn't finished with you yet"

"Flippin 'eck" I said

"Now you can speak out"

"But I don't know what to say" I protested

"You don't need to know what to say, the Holy Spirit will say it.."

"Flippin 'eck I thought, and then I spoke, a language I didn't understand and all three of us were speaking that way...

Tongues, something I have been given, something I don't practice nearly enough, but use on occasion that words in my own language cannot express and when I feel compelled that it is the only thing that will do in the situation...

And, that was the day I renounced my past...